Both marriage and live-in relationship are modern forms of cohabitation. – Ambareesh, Team Lead, Kochi
When we think of live-in relationships in India, it is easy to assume they are a modern, Western concept. But dig a little deeper, and you will find that the idea of couples living together without a formal wedding ceremony has roots in India’s ancient traditions. From the Gandharva Vivah to tribal and lower-caste practices, live-in relationships have been part of Indian culture for centuries. Let us take a closer look at how this works.
The Gandharva Vivah: A Precursor to Live-In Relationships
In ancient India, the Gandharva Vivah was one of the eight forms of marriage mentioned in Hindu scriptures. The Gandharva mode, though opposed to the accepted norm, is nearest to what may be variously termed as “free-choice”, “romantic”, or “love” marriage. Unlike the more common arranged marriages, the Gandharva Vivah was based on mutual consent and love between two individuals. There were no elaborate rituals, no parental involvement, and no exchange of gifts. It was essentially a union of two people who chose to be together out of affection and understanding.
“The union between Shakunthala and King Dushyanta and Bhima and Hidimba are examples of Gandharva Vivah from our literary past.”
Kamal, relationship expert, Hyderabad
Tribal and Lower-Caste Traditions
Beyond the Gandharva Vivah, many tribal communities and lower-caste groups in India have long practised forms of union that resemble live-in relationships. These communities often did not follow the rigid rituals of mainstream Hindu weddings. Instead, couples would come together through mutual agreement, sometimes without any formal ceremony.
For example, in several tribal societies, couples would live together and start a family without the need for a wedding. Their unions were recognised by the community based on their commitment to each other, not on rituals or legal formalities. Similarly, among certain lower-caste groups, informal partnerships were common, often driven by practical considerations like shared labour or economic support.
“Our cook belonged to a lower caste family and her family had traditionally served our family. She was unmarried, though her siblings were all married. In her 40s, she fell in love with a man who was employed as a cowherd at our house. They started living together without any formality in a few months.” – Yamuna, scientist, Berhampur
Matrilineal Communities and Marital Relationships
Matrilineal communities in India, such as the Khasi, Garo, and Nair societies, had marital relationships that resembled live-in arrangements rather than the rigid, sacred marriages observed in patriarchal Hindu traditions. In these societies, lineage and inheritance were passed down through the mother’s line, and women possessed significant autonomy in choosing and ending relationships.
Among the Nairs of Kerala, for instance, the sambandham system allowed men to visit their wives’ homes without establishing a permanent marital household, and children were raised within the mother’s family, with maternal uncles playing a pivotal role in their upbringing. Similarly, in Khasi and Garo societies of Meghalaya, a husband would typically reside in his wife’s home, but his role was not as dominant as in patrilineal setups.
These flexible marital structures prioritised female agency, communal child-rearing, and economic independence over the concept of marriage as a lifelong sacred bond, making them distinct from the more rigid and ritualistic upper-caste Hindu marriage systems.
“Reports by academics suggest that more than 50% of Malayalis followed the matrilineal system. A good proportion of the tribes in the North-East of India were matrilineal. Moreover, many of the lower caste communities did not think of marriage as a sacred life-long union. Hence, it is safe to assume that large parts of India did not have the sacred, Brahmanical, saptapadi marriage system that everyone seems to think was the norm in the Indian subcontinent.”
Teena, content writer, Bengaluru
Arranged Marriages: Through History
Most Indian marriages, today, are arranged. However, history tells us that arranged marriages entered the Indian sub-continent only by the fourth century.
“The sacredness of marriage entered India with the British. It was their mores and idea of marriage that was superimposed on Indian culture.” – Renju, chief operating officer, Canada
Currently, families play a central role in finding a suitable match, and the idea of a “predestined” life partner is deeply ingrained in our culture. Arranged marriages are seen as a way to maintain family honour, caste purity, and social stability.
However, this system leaves little room for individual choice. While some families do consider the opinions of the couple, the final decision often rests with the elders. This is where live-in relationships stand out—they prioritise personal freedom and compatibility over societal norms.
India’s history shows a fascinating diversity in how marriages and partnerships have been formed. From the Gandharva Vivah to tribal practices, there have always been alternatives to the ritualistic, arranged marriages we associate with mainstream culture.
“It was only in the 70s that morality and marriage began to be equated to each other. And it was much later, in the late 90s that registering a marriage became an important part of the process. The legality of marriages became vital when inheritance-related disputes arose.” – John, chief financial officer, Kochi
Among Muslims and Christians, marriage is often viewed as a civil contract rather than a sacrament, allowing for more flexibility in how unions are formed. In the North, marriage rules are strict, with prohibitions on marrying within the same clan or even related clans. In the South, however, cross-cousin marriages or unions between maternal uncles and nieces are common. These variations highlight how diverse and complex India’s traditions around marriage and relationships have always been.
Why Live-In Relationships Are Gaining Acceptance
“Love can’t be arranged like a meeting, and a lifetime commitment shouldn’t be forced.” – Ameen, performance marketer, Malappuram
Today, live-in relationships are becoming more visible in urban India. Young couples are choosing to live together before marriage to test compatibility, focus on careers, or simply because they value their independence. While this shift is often seen as a break from tradition, it is worth remembering that the idea of informal, consent-based unions is not new to India.
The Gandharva Vivah and tribal practices show that live-in relationships have always existed in some form. What is changing is the societal acceptance of these relationships, as people begin to recognise that love and commitment do not always need a wedding ceremony to be valid.
Legal Recognition
In recent years, the Indian judiciary has recognised live-in relationships, acknowledging them as part of the right to life. The Supreme Court has ruled that long-term cohabitation can be considered akin to marriage, especially if the couple has children. However, there is still no specific legislation governing live-in relationships, and societal acceptance varies widely across the country.
Conclusion
As society evolves, it is important to remember that there’s no one “right” way to form a partnership. What matters most is the love, respect, and understanding between two people. So, the next time someone tells you live-in relationships are “un-Indian,” you can point them to the Gandharva Vivah and say, “We’ve been doing this for centuries!”
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References
Flanigan, Santana. “Arranged Marriages, Matchmakers, and Dowries in India.” Postcolonial Studies at Emory, Fall 2000. Accessed June 20, 2014. https://scholarblogs.emory.edu/postcolonialstudies/2014/06/20/arranged-marriages-matchmakers-and-dowries-in-india/.
Gupta, Giri Raj. “Love, Arranged Marriage, and the Indian Social Structure.” Journal of Comparative Family Studies 7, no. 1 (1976): 75–85. http://www.jstor.org/stable/41600938.
Sternbach, Ludwik. “A Sociological Study of the Forms of Marriage in Ancient India (A Résumé).” Annals of the Bhandarkar Oriental Research Institute 22, no. 3/4 (1941): 202–19. http://www.jstor.org/stable/43975949.
