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Been ghosted after the first chat? Up your communication skills! Are you considering dating again after a divorce or separation, but you have kids? It is a dicey proposition. A bit of history before we give you online dating tips.
The Age of Yahoo, Excite, and Hotmail Chatrooms
“I got my best friend’s email ID from a common friend and messaged him. My login ID was not my real name, and the first thing he asked me as soon as I sent ‘hi’ was ‘a/s/l’. I would have kicked him if he was near me.”
Gen X (and a few Gen Y) was the first generation to start using the chat features that came with many mail providers in the 2000s. It was an exciting time—being able to catch up with friends whom you would otherwise hear from only sporadically and over the phone. Now, there was this new feature that allowed communication without the urgency that telephones seemed to imply. You could take your time, ponder over a reply and even send it hours later. It helped keep a whole generation together and in touch. The downside? Ignorance of Internet etiquette.
A/s/l used to stand for age, sex, and location, and was something you would ask a potential date and sometimes strangers at a time people could chat anonymously in chatrooms and over the messaging apps of the mail providers. Etiquette demanded that you ask the question discretely and later on in the chat. But apparently, not everyone got the memo…
And it seems the lack of awareness of Internet etiquette has continued. Women and men complain about being ghosted and cancelled after initial chats on several dating and matrimonial apps. Navigating social media and dating during a divorce or separation is not something that people learn with ease. So, we did a bit of research to come up with a few questions you could ask potential matches without freaking or grossing them out.
Our 5 questions to ask a potential date in 2025
- Why did you swipe my profile or choose my profile?
The question is commonplace, but the most significant one you could ask. It is guaranteed to bring out the weirdo in your online match if s/he is one. And you’ll get to see if their weirdness matches your quirkiness. Is she looking for a casual fling or a long-term relationship? Is he a superficial person? Did they just compliment your looks? Hmm… maybe not exactly the kind of person you were looking for.
- Tell me what’s your typical weekend like.
This will give you a sense of their hobbies and passions without asking it outright. Nothing is more boring than a potential partner asking you what your hobbies are. Anyone above the age of 40 will remember that it was one of the standard questions Indians asked their potential partners in an arranged marriage!
“He said he liked reading Terry Pratchett novels when he has time, and I fell in love right then and there.” Now, that is real freak-matching if you ask us.
- What would a perfect date look like to you?
This is a sweet and easy way to know what to expect if the online chat moves on to the next stage. It gives you insight into their personality. You can either plan a date that kind of fits in with theirs or find common ground. This is not the first question you would ask. It is asked a few days down the line; once you think you have chemistry.
“We went looking for music CDs, back in the day, when we first met. It didn’t feel awkward ‘coz we were surrounded by people. I wouldn’t have been comfortable in an intimate setting and he considered that when we met in person.”
- How do you unwind after a hard day?
Does she like listening to music or watching movies? Does he spend time with the family or catch a game? Does she order in a biriyani to lessen the load? The details will tell you whether you are chatting with an extrovert, introvert, or an ambivert. Knowing this will help you assess if your personalities are compatible, and whether you’ll be compromising on core values all the way.
- Why did you decide to use this specific platform or app?
Now, this is not something that everyone asks, and you might get some surprising answers (or questions, for that matter).
Throw out the old, politically incorrect, boring questions.
For all your serious relationship seekers out there, lighten up a bit. Do not ask the same old boring questions. Do not ask any controversial questions! Toss those oldies in the communication dumpster. They’re about as appealing as a week-old salad and just as likely to leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth. Seriously, asking those kinds of questions on a first date is a surefire way to kill the vibe faster than you can say “awkward silence” or “ghosting.” Instead of interrogating your date with outdated nonsense, try asking something that actually sparks a real conversation. You might learn something interesting—and get a real date. You are looking for a partner, not a casual fling.
And, if you are looking for a casual fling, Rematch is not the right place for you.
So ready to delve into the world of mature dating for a long-term relationship? Need more communication and dating tips? Join Rematch today!
