Divorce is a complicated and emotionally intense process that does not just change the dynamics of a marriage but also reshapes the web of friendships surrounding a couple. In India, where social ties are deeply connected to family structures, the aftermath of a divorce brings unique challenges in keeping these relationships intact. The ripple effect goes beyond the couple, touching shared friends and, most importantly, the children involved. In one of our earlier blogs, we looked at the impact of divorce on relationships in general. In this blog, we will be looking at how divorce affects friendships and one’s social circle.
The Shifting Sands: Keeping Friendships Alive After Divorce in India
While there is not much specific research in India on how friendships fare after divorce, anecdotal evidence and sociological studies shed light on common patterns. Friends made through shared social circles or community ties often become a tricky area. The initial shock of the divorce can create awkwardness, with friends feeling pressured to pick sides or tread carefully to stay neutral. This is especially true in tight-knit communities where social expectations and judgment can weigh heavily.
The end of a marriage often leads to a split in the social circle. Shared friends might struggle to stay equally close to both former partners. This can lead to a slow drift, as friends worry about seeming partial or accidentally sharing sensitive details. Sometimes, friendships naturally lean towards one person, especially if there are stronger pre-existing bonds or if one person is seen as more affected by the split.
“It’s a tightrope walk, this. Two people I consider friends have split, and now I’m supposed to navigate this minefield? I feel like any move I make will set something off. It’s a lonely place to be, stuck in the middle.”
Bhimrao, hospitality manager, Secunderabad
Divorce and Family Friends: The Gender Factor
Men and women often handle friendships differently after divorce. Studies suggest that women are more likely to lean on their support networks during and after a divorce. They might actively seek emotional support from friends, which can strengthen existing bonds. Men, however, may find it harder to open up and might see a drop in social interactions. Societal expectations of men to stay strong can make it difficult for them to seek or maintain emotional support, leading to feelings of isolation. This difference in how they seek support can affect how long-lasting their friendships remain.
Children’s Friendships After Divorce in India
The effect on children’s friendships can be particularly tough. Kids see their social circles disrupted when their parents split. They might lose touch with friends whose parents were mainly connected through the now-ended marriage. The discomfort shared friends feel in navigating the parents’ separation can spill over to the children, who might feel left out or alienated. Changes in family dynamics can also affect how well children maintain their friendships after divorce, as their emotional state and availability for socialising might shift.
“Honestly, it’s a relief my parents stayed close. I can still hang out with my friends, and it’s not like I have to choose sides or travel miles to see them.”
Zainab, student, Secunderabad
Relationship With In-Laws After Divorce
The relationship between a divorcee and their former in-laws in India is complicated and sensitive, shaped by cultural norms and personal situations. This can make cutting those ties especially hard. Traditional expectations might push for maintaining some form of relationship, particularly if children are involved.
If the in-laws were seen as contributing to the marriage breakdown, the relationship is likely to be tense or completely cut off. Yet, if the divorce was amicable and the in-laws stayed supportive, some level of contact might continue. Children often act as a bridge between divorced parents and their former in-laws. Grandparents, in particular, might want to stay connected with their grandchildren, which can lead to ongoing interaction with the divorced parent.
“My former mother-in-law stepped in. She babysat the children when I had to go out of town for conferences and so on. We made sure our divorce did not affect the kids’ relationship to their extended family.”
Manyatha, Divisional Manager, Kurnool
The personalities and relationships between the individuals involved play a big role. Some in-laws might be more understanding and accepting of the divorce than others. Legal issues can also heavily influence these relationships. If there are legal battles over things like property or child custody, the relationship is likely to turn sour. While attitudes are changing, divorce still carries some social stigma in parts of India, which can affect how in-laws view and interact with the divorcee. The relationship is often more strained for women than for men, especially in traditional families.
Legal rights and obligations regarding in-laws can vary depending on individual circumstances and applicable laws. Domestic violence laws can offer legal options if in-laws harass or abuse the divorcee. In short, the relationship between a divorcee and their in-laws in India is highly variable and depends on many factors.
Post-Divorce Social Life
Reducing the impact on friendships requires deliberate effort and sensitivity. Open communication is vital. Divorcing individuals should aim to keep respectful communication with shared friends, avoiding the urge to badmouth the other person. This lets friends maintain their independent relationships with both individuals.
It is also important to recognise the awkwardness and discomfort friends might feel. Divorcing individuals should be careful not to pressure friends into picking sides or getting involved in personal disputes. Letting friendships evolve naturally, rather than forcing them into set roles, can help keep these relationships intact.
For children, maintaining their social connections is vital. Parents should actively work to ensure their children’s friendships are not disrupted by the divorce. This would mean helping them stay in touch with friends, even if their parents were mainly connected through the former marriage. Support from extended family and community groups can also give children a sense of stability and continuity during a time of big changes.
Conclusion
In summary, maintaining friendships after divorce in India is a complex process that requires understanding and open communication. The end of a marriage affects the social landscape, touching shared friends and, most importantly, the children involved. By recognising the challenges and taking proactive steps, individuals can navigate this tough period and preserve their friendships and connections.
Divorce does not have to mean losing your social circle. Learn strategies for keeping friendships and building new ones. Read the full story on our website. When you’re ready for a meaningful, long-term connection, our app can help you find your perfect match. Download it now.
References
Patil, Shital. “Marriage and Divorce: Women’s Experiences with the Legal System, Socio-cultural Norms and Religion.” International Journal of Social Science Research and Review 7, no. 9 (September 2024).
Yadav, Kiran, and Sneha Narayan. “Impact of Divorce on the Holistic Development of a Child: A Comprehensive Review.” The International Journal of Indian Psychology 12, no. 2 (April-June 2024).
