Indian Perception of Age-Gap Relationships
When you are a mature Indian adult, it is often difficult to find matches, especially the older you become. Age-gap relationships are one way to find people who match your life goals and preferences. However, in the normal course of life, people do not agree to meet or date others who are perceived to be older than themselves.
There is a difference in how age-gap relationships are perceived depending on the gender of the older partner. ‘Mature women looking for younger men,’ or when the relationship is perceived as being thus, the women are nicknamed “cougars” or “sugar mummies”. And, when older men pair with younger women, the men are called “cradle robbers”, while the women in such relationships are said to be looking for “sugar daddies.” “Gold digger” is another term, mostly used for women, marrying older, well-established men. In India, older men marrying younger women face more opposition than older women marrying younger men.
“In the case of women, among Gen Z especially, an age gap of more than 3 years is considered too much. Women choosing men younger than themselves even within this age range is also not exactly accepted.”
Nishant, IT support and operations, Faridabad
Many Gen Zs think of age-gap relationships as a kind of grooming. Grooming is when someone builds a relationship with a child or young adult to abuse them or manipulate them into doing things. The abuse may be sexual or financial. However, this perception may be exclusive to Gen Z because age-gap relationships are not new in the Indian context.
“My grandmother was 16 years old when she was married. In those days, it was not considered child marriage, especially since she had completed her school education. My grandfather was 30 years old. It was his second marriage. His first wife and children had died due to some disease. The age gap was not an issue in their marriage. She lived happily with my grandfather in the joint family until his death.”
Vibha, Ad copywriter, Gurugram
Existing Research on Age-Gap Relationships
Age-gap relationships are neither new nor an unsuccessful proposition. Before writing this article, we did a Google search on the available statistics on age-gap relationships, and the outlook was not particularly good. The main points that came up can be summarised thus:
- Marital satisfaction tends to decrease more significantly in couples with a larger age difference.
- Couples with a zero to three-year age gap show greater satisfaction than those with larger gaps.
- Some studies suggest that age-gap couples may be less resilient to relationship obstacles, like financial issues or illness.
- Some research shows that initial higher satisfaction in age-gap relationships might dissipate after 6-10 years.
One cannot argue with statistics. But we should be scrutinising where the statistics are emerging from. A closer look shows that most of the studies are for Westernised societies. Not all the parameters are the same for Western societies and countries like India. For instance, divorce rates are a lot lower in India, as we have shown in earlier blogs. The socio-cultural atmosphere and nature of relationships, including romantic relationships, are different in South Asian countries. Hence, the negative outcomes of age-gap relationships may not exactly apply in the Indian context, especially for the demographic above 35 years. Rather, anecdotal evidence suggests that age-gap relationships thrive in India, especially when it is a higher-order relationship. In the context of romantic relationships, “higher-order” refers to the deeper, more complex aspects of connection, including intimacy, commitment, and the development of skills that enhance the relationship.
“My college professor married her student, my classmate, when she was in her 40s. She is in her 60s and they are still going strong. She has a son from her previous marriage and he is also married at present, a sort of ‘Modern Family’ vibe. It must have taken her a lot of courage to take that decision all those years ago.”
Shirley, professor, Gurugram
Finding the Right Match
Dating apps allow users to set specific age preferences, widening their search beyond their usual social circles. This can make it easier to connect with people significantly older or younger. Afterall, the success of a relationship hinges on various factors:
Emotional Connection: Emotional intimacy is the key to any relationship, with or without an age gap. Relationships with high emotional intelligence have a higher rate of success.
Priorities and Interests: Developing shared interests and hobbies will enhance the relationship. Nevertheless, partners in different life stages may have conflicting priorities. One might focus on career growth, while the other considers retirement. These differences need to be addressed with empathy and respect.
Strong Communication: Communication between the partners is necessary to face the challenges that such relationships will inevitably face. Openly discussing life goals like marriage, children, or career aspirations is essential.
Challenges in Age-Gap Relationships
Differing energy levels, interests, and lifestyles can affect compatibility over time. It is important to have open conversations about current finances, property inheritance, and long-term financial security, especially as the older partner is likely to pass away first. Physical ageing will impact the relationship, and it is necessary to be open to discussing this.
Age-gap relationships can face societal judgment and disapproval, which can strain the relationship. This is rooted in the assumption of unequal benefits within the relationship. Such perceptions can lead to these couples being viewed less favourably compared to age-matched ones. Specifically, it is believed that older partners in age-gap relationships derive greater advantages from the partnership compared to their younger counterparts. Couples need to be prepared to deal with external opinions and focus on their own connection. There could be a perception (or reality) of a power imbalance, with the older partner having more control due to finances or maturity.
Addressing the Stigma of Age-Gap Relationships
Addressing difficulties in relationships with age differences demands a proactive and empathetic approach. It is important to set clear boundaries when dealing with family members who lack understanding, or when concerns surface about the future of the relationship. Remind judgemental individuals that, regardless of their understanding, they must respect the limits of the relationship. Partners should dedicate time to share their feelings openly and honestly, creating an environment for mutual understanding.
It may also be necessary for partners to become less affected by critical remarks from others. Preparing responses to commonly heard comments can be an effective method. Establishing a supportive network is equally valuable. Engaging with other couples who have comparable age differences may provide a sense of community and understanding. These connections can help build friendships with those who genuinely understand the nuances of such relationships.
Finally, if addressing these challenges alone proves overwhelming, seeking external assistance is a practical choice. Consulting a professional will provide methods for managing the unique aspects of a relationship with a considerable age difference.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while relationships with considerable age differences may present unique challenges, they should not be viewed as inherently negative. In fact, for mature Indians, particularly for those in their 40s and beyond, and seeking marriage or long-term partnerships, such relationships might represent the most promising avenue for finding a truly compatible match. Life experiences and evolving priorities can sometimes make it more likely to connect deeply with someone from a different generation.
Ultimately, the success of any relationship hinges on mutual respect, open communication, emotional compatibility, and shared priorities, regardless of the age gap. If you are ready to explore a wider range of possibilities and find a partner who truly complements your life journey, download our app today and discover compatible matches waiting to connect with you.
References
Patrick, Wendy L. “Age-Gap Romance: Recipe for Stigma or Success? Research Reveals the Truth About Cross-Decade Dating.” Psychology Today, August 9, 2019.
Telloian, Courtney. “Age Difference in Relationships: How Much Is ‘Too Much’?” Psych Central, September 5, 2024.
