In the digital age, online dating has become a common way for individuals to meet potential partners. In India alone, the online dating application market generated an approximate revenue of ₹4500 crores in 2023 and is expected to reach ₹8,400 crores by 2030. As of 2023, approximately 8.24 crore Indians were using dating apps, a significant increase from 2 crores just five years ago.
To begin meaningful connections in this expansive digital landscape, following proper etiquette, or behaviour, is essential. In an earlier article, we set out five questions to ask your possible match when starting an online relationship. This article sets out general guidelines for online chatting, with specific sections meant for male and female users, supported by research findings.
General Online Dating Etiquette
It was my daughter who asked me to join a dating or matrimonial app. I had been a widower for 25 years and she decided I needed a companion. But I find it difficult to chat with all these women online. I don’t know what to speak to them about.
Madhu, retired accountant, Dindigul
Madhu is not alone. Indians, especially Gen X and Baby Boomers entered the online space in the last 25 years or even less. Scholar Ritty Lukose has written a book that explores how gendered identities are shaped by nationalist constructions of femininity and masculinity, alongside the cultural politics of globalisation. Her book explores the gendered identities of Generation X in the 1980s and 90s, though she does not use the term Gen X in the book.
“Most of them grew up in an age when the female-male relationship was not as easy as it is now. Very few men had close female friends and vice versa. They did not learn to converse with the opposite gender the way Millennials and Gen X do. So, what happens is you find very awkward flirty language used in online chats and dating apps. The women from the same generation find it difficult to deal with that,” states Kamal, relationship expert at Rematch. There are ways to bridge the gap and the following advice holds for all three genders—male, female, and transgenders.
- Honesty: Present yourself authentically or truthfully. Misrepresentation can lead to mistrust and disappointment when meeting in person. Use recent photos and provide accurate information about yourself.
- Boundaries: Everyone has different comfort levels. If someone is not ready to share personal details or meet in person, respect their pace. Building a relationship takes time. Be patient and understanding towards each other’s pace and comfort levels.
- Language: Using clear and respectful language is extremely important. Avoid slang or abbreviations that might be misunderstood. A study found that using abbreviations in text messages can come across as less sincere, resulting in fewer and shorter responses.
- Responses: While immediate replies are not always possible, consistent communication indicates interest. If you are busy, a brief message acknowledging the conversation can maintain the connection.
- Cultural Sensitivity: Respect the cultural backgrounds and beliefs of others. Avoid making assumptions or engaging in behaviour that could be perceived as insensitive or offensive.
- Privacy Matters: Be cautious about sharing personal information too soon. Make sure that the platform you are using is secure, and be aware of potential privacy risks.
Indian Context: Efficiency and Usage of Dating Apps
The surge in dating app usage in India reflects changing social dynamics and a growing acceptance of online matchmaking. However, the effectiveness of these platforms varies. Gender dynamics also play a role in user experiences. Men often face challenges in receiving responses, while women may encounter unsolicited messages. Understanding and adhering to proper etiquette can bridge these gaps, leading to more meaningful interactions.
When I started a public Facebook page for my work, I was inundated with friend requests from men. As soon as I would accept a request, I would get a message, that generally started with, ‘Hai, baby!’ I even received an unsolicited video call on my work account.
Kamal, Relationship Expert, Rematch
The following two sections are meant for male and female users as each gender has a slightly different experience with using online relationships and dating apps.
Online Dating Etiquette Tips for Male Users
Online Dating Etiquette Tips for Female Users
Inappropriate Behaviour Reported on Dating Apps
There has been inappropriate behaviour on dating apps reported across the world. And what holds true for the world, holds true in India also. Aggressive or threatening language, including insults, name-calling, or violent threats, creates a hostile and intimidating space and has been reported by several dating app users. When someone shares your personal information—like your address, phone number, or social media profiles—without your consent, they put you at risk of stalking or harassment.
Receiving unsolicited explicit images or videos was a frustrating and invasive experience that made me feel unsafe and violated.
Aparna, journalist, Kuwait
Then there are the typical dating app experiences:
- Catfishing, where people use fake profiles with stolen photos or false identities, to deceive and manipulate you.
- Ghosting, when someone suddenly stops all communication without explanation, leaving you confused and hurt.
- Breadcrumbing, keeps you hooked with inconsistent or infrequent messages despite no real intention of building a connection.
If someone pressures you for sex too soon or makes unwanted sexual advances, they create an uncomfortable and unsafe environment. Ignoring your boundaries, like refusing to stop certain behaviours or conversations when you ask, shows a lack of respect. Feel free to block such accounts and report them to customer care at the app. “Overly critical or judgmental behaviour that focuses on your appearance, job, or other superficial traits prevents authentic connections. I would suggest not engaging with such users,” adds Kamal.
Yet another issue is that of oversharing. Sharing intimate details about past relationships can make the other person feel uncomfortable, while overly possessive or jealous behaviour creates a controlling and unhealthy dynamic. Some people may use dating apps solely for attention or validation, showing no genuine interest in connecting with you. Disrespecting your cultural or religious beliefs through insensitive comments should not be tolerated. “In one of the matrimonial apps that I signed up for in the past, it was common to encounter scams or fraudulent users, such as people asking for money or personal information under false pretences,” mentioned Lalhming, a photographer from Aizawal.
Conclusion
Online dating offers a platform to connect with diverse individuals. By practising respectful and considerate communication, users can increase their chances of forming genuine connections. Remember, behind every profile is a real person seeking a real connection. Treat them with the same respect and courtesy you would expect in return.
Join the Rematch app to meet real people and real matches for a safe and fruitful connection.
References
Grand View Research. “Online Dating Application Market Report.” Grand View Research, 2023. https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/online-dating-application-market-report.
Gupta, Shreya. “Modern Love: India’s Dating Industry.” Smallcase Blog, August 4, 2023. https://www.smallcase.com/blog/modern-love-indias-dating-industry/.
Lukose, Ritty A. Liberalization’s Children: Gender, Youth, and Consumer Citizenship in Globalizing India. Durham: Duke University Press, 2009.
The Guardian. “Using Abbreviations in Messages Comes Across as IDRC, Study Finds.” The Guardian, November 14, 2024.
